The Garbage-Talk Express
The following questions and answers are taken from actual events and conversations people have had with Monty Roberts or his farm personnel and representatives who advocate using his techniques.
Dear Mr. Roberts: I want to train my horse, what do I do? – Johnny
Dear Johnny: Just do my famous join-up and your horse will be trained.
Dear Mr. Roberts: My horse doesn’t like to get his feet worked on. Do you think it would be okay if we just left him barefoot and have his feet grow as long as they want? – Shane
Dear Shane: Of course, that’s exactly what we did with the mustangs we captured, including ShyBoy. Their feet were so long that they curled up like Arabian slippers. The man from the Bureau of Land Management saw them and he thought it was okay too.
Dear Mr. Roberts: I did the join-up as you suggested but my horse still isn’t trained; what should I do now? – Johnny
Dear Johnny: Just continue doing more of the same thing and your horse will be trained.
Dear Mr. Roberts: I have a mustang that’s kind of spooky, how do I make him less spooky? – Marie
Dear Marie: Mustangs are notoriously spooky so therefore they cannot be trained at all to do anything. You can keep him as a pasture pet, I suppose.
Dear Mr. Roberts: My horse was diagnosed with a bone spur on his fetlock but two vets said that he’s okay to be trained, doing walking and trotting exercises. What would you suggest I do? – Bobby
Dear Bobby: Forget it. A bone spur is a death sentence and it will bother him so much that he can’t possibly be trained. Keep him as a pasture pet.
Dear Mr. Roberts: This is Johnny again. I kept doing the join-up exactly as you suggested. I think my horse is getting very bored by now. He stands at the outside of the roundpen and glares at me. Do you think I should try one of your Dually halters and maybe even that buckstopper you so like to use, to get him maybe a little riled up so that he’ll like doing join-up again. – Johnny
Dear Johnny: That is an excellent idea. It will wake him up.
Dear Mr. Roberts: My horse swishes his tail a lot and gets kind of nasty when I try to ride him in a show. What would you do? – Patsy
Dear Patsy: I suggest you break his tail with a pipe – he won’t do that again – and put a wire under his lip – he’ll stop and be very gentle after that. Just make sure you take the wire out before the judges come looking to inspect your horse. I found that these methods work very well for me – how else do you think I won all those championships in my younger days?
Dear Mr. Roberts: I stole some hay bales from Cal Poly a few weeks ago and I was caught. I was just wondering how you weasled out of it when it happen to you? Oh, I forgot – you got expelled because of it. Never mind. – Billy
Dear Billy: Yep. They’re a tough lot over there at Cal Poly. I suggest you look for another school and don’t tell them you went to Cal Poly – you’ll just have to start over. Just remember this, though, there is definitely a market out there for your skills! Good Luck – you’re my kind of guy.